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Doyle's Devotions to the Goddess
My life. Love it, leave it. Choices I've made, regretted, accepted, you'll find it all here.
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Sunday, May 04, 2003 :::
Goddess, why does she think that I don't like her?? Why does she not realize how much I love her?? How can I convince her, or show her how much I care? It seems like she feels everything that is happening is her fault and as a result I don't like her because of it. I don't know why, it's not true at all.
Now she is upset with me for not defending her about what happened with Michelle. Of course, I am!! I've already defended her to my mom and explained it to my dad as well. And I will soon be talking to him about it as well, just because I didn't do it the first time he called doesn't mean I'm not going to. Not to mention he is going to be visiting before I go as well and seeing both of us. My Dad isn't going to take sides, he's not like that. He likes Suz alot, I already know that from the previous times he's been here. I've only met Michelle like twice and I noticed how she got on people's skin. I'm sure my Dad is aware of that also.
Oh Isis, why do things have to be so hard and painful before I leave? I just wanted to spend my remaining time with Suz, comforting her and being happy as much as possible. None of that has happened at all these past months. It is hard enough to leave her, but leaving like this is so much worse. She is shutting me out, trying not to let herself feel, and not seeing how much I care. So am I, in some aspects, I suppose. I'm trying not to, I want to be there and love her as much as I can, but I don't seem to be able to reach her now. Her walls and defenses are built up. That's not good for her, or for me. A year from now, will be they too fortified to take down? Will I be able to bring her out and into my love??
Watch over us your children, Goddess. Bring us your love and strength. Guide Suz with your loving embrace, show her your comfort. Help her to feel my warmth and give her the courage to endure the upcoming year. I love her with every fiber of my being, I just wish I could manage to show that to her. Keep us safe, Isis. We honor your name.
By the Force and the Spirit within, all my love...
::: posted by Scott at 5:41 PM
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